Recently, I purchased a present for a good friend of mine. While I wouldn't say that I live like a pauper, I am a student and I don't always have an abundance of wealth. And this present cost me a lot. I mean, it's not a car or a boat. It definitely doesn't compare to a fancy vacation or expensive jewelry. But, given my financial situation, it's a nice gift. And the person I bought it for is SO worth it.

I found this awesome gift while flying to California last December. I thumbed through a germ-infested copy of SkyMall magazine and said AH HA! THIS IS THE GIFT! I even took the magazine home, although I don't really know if you're supposed to do that. I housed that ratty magazine for the past 4 months, waiting for the right time to order this gift.

Now, here's a little tidbit about me: I can't keep a secret. Especially when it involves presents. I shop on Christmas Eve not because I'm a procrastinator, but because I cannot have a gift in my possession for longer than a few days without wanting to give it to the person. It's a curse, really. I end up buying multiple presents for people because I can't hold onto something until the proper time to give it to them. What can I say? I love giving presents.

Well, this SkyMall masterpiece was scheduled to arrive today according to my FedEx tracker. And, boy, have I been excited! Seriously, I couldn't wait to get home to rip into this box and admire my purchase. I'm so proud to give my friend something I know she will love.

Seeing as how I can't keep a secret, I told my friend in advance that her present was due to arrive today and that, of course, I wanted to give it to her right away. And while I have literally been on the edge of my seat waiting for this moment, my friend didn't seem as interested. She mentioned scheduling issues and could-we-do-this-another-time and the like. And honestly, with every word my heart sank. I felt like I was being robbed of the joy of gift-giving.

And then I thought: I wonder if God ever feels this way towards me. What gifts has God prepared only for me that I have received indifferently or placed low on my list of priorities? Does God grow sad when I don't get as excited as he does about the things he has in store for me? Do I rob Him of joy by not responding enthusiastically when he gives me a beautiful sunrise, a warm shower, or a hug from a child? Probably so.

So, I don't know when I'll give this SkyMall gift to my friend. And I don't know if she'll love it as much as I love giving it. But at least through this I can know more intimately the Best Gift-Giver of them all. And I long to bless His heart by being a more grateful receiver.

Friendship

I know I've posted before on this very same topic. But do you ever have the overwhelming urge to stand on a rooftop and shout to the world how very special someone is to you? Now before you gag and stop reading, I'm not talking about my very amazing boyfriend. Or at least I'm not talking only about him. Nope. I'm talking about all of my friends. It's a pity that English only has one word for friend, for certainly many types of friends exist. And while I have definitely had my share of fair-weather friends, stab-you-in-the-back friends, and suck-the-life-out-of-you friends, tonight I'm talking about can't-imagine-my-life-without-you friends. These are the kind of friends that change you at the core, love you in spite of yourself, and whose acts of kindness leave you with only one response -- to get down on your knees and thank God that He cares for you that much.

Almost a year ago, my grandma died. And to tell you the truth, she was really more a friend than a grandma. She would ask me about boys in my life, fill me in on all the "news" about her friends, and pray for me every morning. Even though she died at 93, her death impacted me deeply. And do you know what happened as I grieved her loss? My other can't-imagine-my-life-without-you friends stepped in to help me bear the burden.

Can you imagine a friend being willing to spend a weekend (which should have been spent pursuing much-needed rest) helping me decorate the room in the funeral home where my grandma's body laid in state? It happened.

Can you imagine receiving phone call after phone call from friends wanting to comfort me (even friends who I had barely batted an eye to when their grandparents died?) It happened.

Can you imagine friends taking time out of their busy, busy lives to pay their respects to someone they had never even met -- just to be supportive of me? It happened.

Yep. I have amazing friends. In tragedy, they walk beside me and grieve with me. In triumph, they're the first to bust out in song. In weakness, they hold me and pray with me. In times of strength, they cheer me on. And I am only so lucky to return the favor, knowing that (despite my efforts) I will never be able say or do enough to explain how much I love them.

And you, dear reader, whoever you are: I can only pray that you, too, will know friendship as I have known it.

Deeply. Intimately. Sacrificially.

Best to you,

KM

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."- Samuel Johnston

Estoy perdida por alguien...

I'm totally, completely, and irreversibly crazy about someone. And even though I feel about a million different things towards him, I find it hard to organize my thoughts into anything remotely coherent. So, in time like these, I defer to those greater than myself....in this case, the musical genius of Rogers and Hammerstein. If this post makes you want to puke, I'm truly sorry. My only encouragement to you is to just keep trusting in the Lord until the day that you meet a wonderful guy (or girl). Believe me, you'll quickly change your tune. :) Now, without further ado...


I expect everyone in my crown to make fun of my proud protestations of faith in romance.
And you'll say I'm naive as a babe to believe any fable I hear from a person in pants.
I've been known to share your satirical attitude, thinking that love should be kept in its place.
Until all of the sudden that lyrical platitude bounced up and hit me smack in the face.
That's how I turned out to be the happy young woman you see. :)

I'm as corny as Kansas in August. I'm as normal as blueberry pie. No more a smart little girl with no heart, I have found me a wonderful guy! I am in a conventional tither with a conventional star in my eye. And you will note there's a lump in my throat when I speak of that wonderful guy.

I'm as bright and as happy as a daisy in May, a cliche coming true. I'm bromidic and bright as the moon-sparkled night pouring light on the dew.

I'm as corny as Kansas in August. High as a flag on the fourth of July. If you'll excuse an expression I use:

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with a wonderful guy!!!

Soneto XVII by Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio

o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:

te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,

secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva

dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,

y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo

el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,

te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:

así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,

tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,

tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

Never fear: you don't need to know Spanish to understand how beautiful this poem is. The last few lines are translated for you below. Here's to the hope of loving someone some day so deeply that "I" and "you" melt into "we." :)

I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of three year-olds Spanish and was having a heck of a time. The plan was simple. Every child was to receive a little flag made out of felt and paint sticks. Since the goal of the lesson was to learn the colors, I had yellow flags, red flags, blue flags, brown flags, purple flags, and green flags. Knowing that the kids would be upset about not getting their favorite color flag, I made this big “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” speech about the distribution of the flags. Totally futile.

Here’s how it went down:

Me: Now, I am going to hand you a flag. If I give you a flag and you don’t like the color, do not look up at me with weepy eyes and say, “But I wanted a different color.” Don’t worry….everyone will have a turn holding all of the flags. Does everyone understand?

Children: Yes!

Me: Ok, so should we throw a fit when Miss Katie gives you a flag?

Children: Noooooooo!

Me: Muy bien. (Begin to distribute flags)

Child 1: Miss Katie, I don’t like black. I wanted a lellow one. (Child 1 begins to cry)

Child 2: NOOOOOO!!!! I wanted purple!! (Child 2 stomps off to the other side of the room)

Child 3: How come she got red and I got brown? (Child 3 points to friend’s flag and then throws brown flag at me)

I would continue the story with quotes from the other seven children, but I’ll spare you the redundancy. Needless to say, nobody liked the flag they were given. I ended up collecting the flags and putting them back in the box, abandoning the activity altogether. Apparently these children have yet to be informed that life is not fair.

About three weeks ago, I was in a major car accident on a busy highway here in Dallas. After watching my car dragged off to the junk yard, I sent out a “close call” email to friends and family, thanking God for sparing my life and the lives of my passengers. I had no idea that my “close call” car crash was actually going to be a much bigger deal than I had imagined. Certainly, I’m thankful that we all walked away with no real physical trauma, but I was not prepared for the emotional turmoil that the wreck would cause. After weeks of insurance problems, stacks of paperwork, tough financial decisions, annoying car salesmen, incompetent police officers, thousands of dollars in medical bills, countless hours of missed work, anxiety about driving on the highway, and many, many sleepless nights, I’m exhausted.

And I keep on asking myself, “Why did God let this happen?” It’s just doesn’t seem fair.

Tonight I was thinking that perhaps my rantings about how unfair this car accident was are not that unlike the temper tantrums that my kids threw about their flags. As the teacher, it seems silly to me that I didn’t get to teach my kids anything today because they were too wrapped up in complaining about the color of their flags. I mean, really. It’s just a flag. A flag for a game that lasts about five minutes. My short-sighted three year olds couldn’t imagine that some bigger plan might exist for those flags. A plan to teach them something that might stay with them for the rest of their lives. After all, they probably won’t remember ten years from now if I gave them a red or a brown flag, but they certainly will remember the difference between “rojo” and “café”.

Maybe God sees me in a similar way. Perhaps when I look up to the sky and scream “it’s not fair!”, I look about as silly as a three-year old crying about an “ugly” brown flag. In the end, God knows that the trial is not nearly as important as what I learn because of it. He is alpha and omega, beginning and end. He already knows the purpose that this tragedy (and others) will play in my life. And ten years from now, I may vaguely remember the stress associated with this whole ordeal, but I will clearly remember the way He carried me through.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33